There is a popular meme I saw "If people wanted you to write warmly about them, then they should have behaved better - Anne Lamott".
I felt inspired to discuss why one should think twice about such statements...
1. Perception
Sometimes it isn't always that the other person behaved poorly, sometimes it is your perception of an outcome you expected. We need to consider the stories we often make up in our heads about someone else's actions and how our own expectations, bias and hurt influence our read of a situation. We often judged a situation with many missing facts, especially when we never took the time to try and have a one-on-one personal conversation with someone. Texting does NOT count because it lacks a significant amount of context and non-verbal communication. We have lost the art of conversation and often times we completely avoid having difficult conversations because we don't practice having them. We have to consider that if someone does not agree with you or apologize, that is ok and sometimes you have to be at an impasse, give each other some loving space and, if necessary, move on.
2. People Pleasing
This is also a real problem in our society. Yes, of course we should consider how things we say and do are going to affect another person, but sometimes no matter how compassionately something is said or done the other person is in a place where they will be triggered no matter what. They are not in a place to exercise compassion. Your information may be triggering a wound of theirs, and that can't always be navigated. We can't go around always walking on egg shells around people because they may take things the wrong way and make it about you instead of looking within. We all need to come from a place where we are trying to do our best, and someone may not understand that. That's ok! Sitting with the discomfort that another person is set on misunderstanding you is where we need to sit sometimes and leave it be. It is not our responsibility to try and fix everyone's perceptions of us.
3. Control
We live in a society where we want to control the narrative about ourselves ALL the time. In our ancestors time community was scarce and sometimes people needed to be silent to fit in because it literally meant life or death. Being ostracized from others in the community was a death sentence, it meant no food or protection. So now we still carry these old wounds and spend all this time on social media, in our friends groups and at work trying to control how people see us. We lose our authenticity because we worry so much about perception.
Additionally, there is often added pressure being a Christian because the microscope is on our behaviors and words, even by other Christians, and we know that. We don't want to be perceived as mean, self centered, judgmental or unloving. We don't want to be the blame for someone leaving their faith because of us. Often, I think we are giving ourselves more credit then we deserve when we have these thoughts. God is infinitely bigger then you and in the end the relationship between God and another is between those two. Your responsibility is to ask the Lord to examine your heart, and if you have anything against your brother you make the effort to correct it. You just need to try and do your very best, which will still be insufficient and that is why we need God.
Scripture doesn't say everyone needs to like you and think you are a perfect Christian. That is giving control to other people. You will never be able to control others perceptions of you, but the good news is that God knows your heart intimately. I know it doesn't feel good to think someone doesn't like us but you can't live life trying to control what other people think of you. In fact, sometimes it is a good thing that someone doesn't like you. Sometimes we need people removed from our life when we won't do it ourselves.
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