As a Christian single, it's important to remember that your worth and identity are not defined by your relationship status. You are a beloved child of God, and your singleness is just a season of life that can be embraced with confidence and purpose. Let's consider different ways that you can overcome self-doubt and embrace your divine worth. 1. Embrace Your Identity in Christ The first step in building confidence as a Christian single is to anchor your identity in Christ and not what the world has to say about being single. Don't forget, the world has an agenda, usually to sell you on something that you don't really need. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has a unique plan and purpose for your life. Spend time in prayer and meditating on the word, seeking God's guidance and wisdom. Seek out scriptures that remind you of your identity in Christ, a few examples: John 15:26 (you are chosen), John 1:12 (you are a child of God), Genesis 1:27 (you are made in the image of God), Romans 15:7 (you are accepted)
2. Set Boundaries Setting healthy boundaries is essential for building confidence and maintaining healthy relationships. Get very clear with yourself about your values and priorities and practice saying "no thank you" to things that do not align with those values and priorities. I understand that setting boundaries can often feel really uncomfortable. We do not want to be perceived as mean or unloving, but communicating boundaries is a loving act that God models for us throughout scripture.
Just like we see in the stories of the bible, people do not always react lovingly to boundaries, so you have to keep in mind that it is human nature to react negatively to boundaries. Keep in mind though, that people who respect and value you, will also respect and value that you communicate boundaries. Additionally, you cannot force people to understand and respect your boundaries, that is on them not you. Read that sentence again.
3. Develop You Discernment Another essential key to confidence is being able to identify God's gentle voice in the chaotic noise that is the world and the voice of our own desires. God will never lead us astray so we need to develop the ability to pause and view circumstances with a critical eye when dealing with other people, the world and our thoughts, to determine what is truly His will and what is not.
One way to do this is to pause and pray, then ask "Lord, what does your Word have to say about this?" This is where daily study of the scriptures important. We often get hit by our own feelings/emotions or people saying something is in the bible that is not really there. This is when you see yourself or other people pulling one small verse of an entire passage/chapter to suit their own agenda. Be aware that this is human nature and we need to pause and practice our discernment often. Discernment is a skill that needs to be developed over time, and often by making mistakes, so be patient with yourself.
5. Love Discomfort I am going to call out the people pleasers here. When we focus on our feelings, our desires, our image, our goals then we are relying on the wrong heart posture for confidence. Just because some one doesn't agree with you doesn't mean it is your responsibility to make things right just so you feel or look better to others. People are allowed to disagree with you and it is ok, in fact you should learn to lean into that discomfort and not try to immediately solve for it. We need to get more comfortable with feeling uncomfortable feelings. We should be humble enough to be curious, ask questions and listen with a soft yet discerning heart when we feel friction, disagreement, misunderstood or dismissed. Yet, we also should not be changing who we are just to appease others. When we start altering our values and boundaries just to make peace, we are not honoring ourselves, others or God. You may even be surprised how positively people respond when you are able to stand firm and humble in uncomfortable conversations.
6. Stop Making Up Stories in Your Head
We have a tendency to create these elaborate stories in our heads, good and bad. We often are trying to create a narrative that is not true in order to serve some deeper purpose like healing an emotional wound or building an emotional wall to protect our hearts. This is not the same thing that the bible talks about when it says "guard your heart". That verse is about using discernment to protect our hearts from deceitful and corrupt things that lead us to be divided from God, it is not about protecting us from hurtful feelings. When we live from a place of truth, and not the stories we make up, then we can live in confidence. Focus on the facts of what you personally know and place aside second hand accounts. Ask God for discernment in seeing the truth in any situation, and not what you want it to be.
Remember, building confidence is a process that takes time and intentional effort every single day. Embrace your singleness as a season of growth and opportunity to develop your roots deeply in the confidence of God. Walk in a posture of humbleness, practice discernment and trust that God has a beautiful plan for your life. You are worthy, loved, and capable of confidently walking in a purposeful and fulfilling life through Christ and the Word.
Application: Consider how walking in humbleness is different then practicing weak boundaries and poor discernment. Where in your life can you work on this?
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